Know your worth!! You are beautiful, you are valuable, you are strong!!
I’ve recently embarked on a “self- love”, Soul- searching journey. I have cut out negative circumstances, habits and relationships from my life (slowly over time). After many years of being unhappy and insecure, I decided that I am fabulous and no one has the power to kill my joy unless I allow them to. Here, I am going to share a few of the steps I took to become a happier, more confident woman. With confidence comes self-worth and with that comes zero tolerance for negativity. Every once in a while a girl just needs to be reminded that she is gods- gift to this earth and deserves to be treated as such. If I leave you with anything, I want you to know you are amazing, beautiful and worthy!!
- Get comfortable with your body, Flaws and all. Look in the mirror and stare at your body. I know you first instinct is to frown upon your stomach pouch, stretch marks or thunder thighs. But these are the characteristics that make you beautiful. This task is much easier said than done, I KNOW. It takes time so be patient. Every morning I woke and I decided I would find something I liked about my body while standing in front of the mirror with little to no clothing on. I came to realize I loved my hips and the way they were wide and lead to thick beautiful thighs. I reminded myself that this hips were all woman and helped me bare a beautiful child. Find ways to turn a negative into a positive. Loving and accepting your body unconditionally is a liberating feeling. Define your own beauty don’t leave this precious task up the media, or a man or an article in a magazine!!!YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!
- Don’t compare yourself to other women. Now I know this may be next to impossible with all the beautiful women with beautiful bodies we see on social media but it’s worth a try. It really has helped me. I’ve even taken a hiatus from social media for a few days or weeks just to focus on myself and my reality. On social media we see a lot of false perceptions that make us question ourselves and our individual beauty. Figure out what makes you special, what makes you unique. There is no one else on this earth exactly like you. You are your only competition.
- Commit to yourself. Commit to caring for your body in a way that will make you feel sexy. Go get a massage every month, treat yourself to a Mani /Pedi every two weeks, go get that Brazilian wax, go Salsa dancing, join the gym. Do what makes you feel good and commit to doing it often. I’m big on goal setting so I bought a dry erase board, hung it on the wall near my bed and wrote down specific, achievable, short term goals and committed to them. Example, On Tuesdays and Thursdays I will go to spin class at 24 -hour fitness for one hour, every week for 4 weeks. This goal was achievable, very specific per I included the place, days, time and length. This goal was also short term. Once I reached the 4 week mark I felt good, I was proud of myself and I was ecstatic that I dropped 6lbs. YESSSSS!!! (ratchet girl voice)
- Know your value. Don’t accept mediocracy in any form. Okay so now I want to touch on relationships or better yet “situationships”. I’ve fallen victim to this type of situation on more than one occasion. My most recent relationship was a 6- year long situationship. We had no title but we functioned like we were in a committed relationship until it came time to address real relationship concerns such as communication or cheating. That’s when it was made clear that, “we do not have a title”, “technically we are both single” or “this is supposed to be a no strings attached agreement” This kind of relationship can play with your mind, self- esteem and have you questioning your value. This is exactly what it did for me. I loved this guy. He was the person I wanted to be with for the long run. He was one of my best friends, we had fun together, we had amazing sex and incredible chemistry. I thought we were a match made in heaven. But this wonderful connection was built on shaky grounds. When we met (through a mutual friend) we agreed we weren’t looking for anything serious. We both just ended long term relationships and were just looking to have fun and go with the flow. I was newly single and ready to explore my options so I open to this kind of relationship at the time. As time went on we got closer. We would spend more time together, go out on dates, he would send flowers to my job expectantly, we talked/texted constantly. I found myself slowly detaching myself from other guys who were trying to pursue because I was confident we were going to make it official soon. Whenever I would ask that infamous question, “what are we?”. I would get the same response, “Were just friends who really love one another but I don’t want a relationship right now” or “a title doesn’t mean anything when you really love someone”. My self-esteem was so low I accepted this and really believed one day this would change. Fast forward 6 years, we never became official. This went on because I allowed it. He was comfortable and I settled for mediocracy because I loved him and didn’t want to dismantle such a beautiful “bond”. Once I began to love me, and rebuild my self-esteem I realized I deserved better, I wanted better and I was going to have better. I slowly pulled back from this guy. I stopped cooking for him, I was slow to respond to text messages, I refused intimacy until one day I told him I was DONE. I was no longer his friend with benefits, his boo thang, or here for his convenience. It took me a while but I realized you cannot offer girlfriend or better yet wife benefits to a man who doesn’t value your worth to make you his girlfriend then ultimately his wife. I was free and the feeling was liberating. Some might say a lot of my precious time was wasted but I look at it as a learning experience. I am worth the more. You are worth more. Mediocracy is not an option. Make that man work for you, respect you and love you the way you should be loved. If you are in a similar situation that you are unhappy with, change it. You deserve to be happy. There is someone out there willing to give you the world and then some. Don’t not settle. Life is too short.
I hope my self-love tips help guide you to a better, happier, healthier YOU. You are beautiful, you are valuable, you are strong!!